PRACTICE ANALYZING AN AUDIENCE

Directions: The following essay was addressed to undergraduates to get them to consider adopting a lifetime commitment to physical fitness. As you read the essay, consider the questions below and insert suggestions for the writer wherever you think he can improve his appeal to his audience.

1. Look carefully at the introduction. Does it provide a compelling image that students can relate to? If not, can you suggest a better image as an attention-getter?

2. What is the connection between steroids, anorexia, and the top of the essay (physical fitness)? Does the author make the connection(s) clear? Insert comments where the audience may need some additional information or some clarification of points.

3. Does the author address all reasons why students might want to keep fit, now and in the future? What reasons has he overlooked? Give him some suggestions.

4. Look at the language of the essay. Does the author use any cliches, slang, or colloquialisms (informal words and phrases used in conversation, but inappropriate for writing). If so, mark them, and suggest some informal alternatives that would be appropriate for his audience.

5. The author shifts back and forth from first person "I" and "we" pronouns to second person "you." Make some suggestions about how he can avoid shifting back and forth. Could he eliminate the "I" and "we" references entirely?

6. Does the author consider the interests and needs of both sexes? Suggest some places that he might add some illustrations or examples to appeal more to women.

7. Is the essay wordy or repetitious in spots? Suggest places where the author might make some cuts to keep his audience interested.

8. When the author talks about the government's fat tax or about major corporations and fitness centers, who is his audience? How could he tie these points into the main body of his essay to reach students more effectively?

9. Look carefully at the conclusion. Is it effective for this audience? Why or why not? Write some comments to the author.

10. Finally, look at the title. Suggest a title that would be more likely to attract student readers.

****************

A LIFETIME COMMITMENT TO PHYSICAL FITNESS

A lifetime commitment to physical fitness can no longer be considered a luxury. It is indeed a necessity. What could be worse than the sight of a physically bankrupt forty-year-old executive recovering from his first major heart attack? With the aid of modern technology and a little hard work, a motivated person can become physically fit and avoid this catastrophe. I firmly believe in the lifetime commitment to physical fitness, and practice it as well. Fitness will not only help you physically, but mentally and financially as well.
     Most Americans abide by what can be referred to as the law of beauty. If it looks good, it must be good. We need to erase this from our minds when dealing with physical fitness. More often than not, the people who get quick results for beauty are the ones who cut corners. Cutting corners can be very dangerous from a physical standpoint, and is not what the commitment to physical fitness is about. To name a few guilty parties, steroid abusers, anorexics, and bulemics are tops on the list. Although steroids provide big muscles quickly, and anorexia and bulimia provide a thin waist promptly, usually the party involved doesn't realize what's at stake. The long-term effects of theses habits are more severe than a body abuser may have ever imagined. Steroids may cause cancer, elephantitis, and internal organ damage. Side effects of anorexia and bulimia include loss of skin and tooth color, and internal organ damage as well. These paths are taken by those who cut corners and are surely not concerned with a lifetime commitment to anything.
     The commitment involves a combination of things, that done properly can greatly increase your health. Most importantly, you need to establish a proper diet for yourself. Sadly, most people do everything right but neglect their body nutritionally. The proper diet establishes a strong base for training. Next, you need to set up a workout routine that will combine cardiovascular training with strength and conditioning exercises. Most people avoid this because they feel they will have to put in three hours every day in a hot gym for the rest of their lives. In actuality, a program that provides these types of exercises will only take about 45 minutes every other day. Lastly, you need to motivate yourself to do this. If the sight of you recovering from a heart attack at 40 (because you were lazy) doesn't motivate you, then you're obviously content with where you are and needn't bother reading further. For those of us who are down to earth, I think you get the point.
     We have now established the right and wrong ways of becoming physically fit. If there were no benefits to the whole system why would anyone both with fitness? Well, there are benefits, and they come in the form of physical, mental, and financial rewards.
     The number one reason to commit your life to physical fitness is obviously for the physical benefits that are derived. These benefits will unfold throughout the course of time. As a youngster, assuming that you lead a sports lifestyle, your chances of making the teams you wish to be on will rise dramatically. Too often the younger kids don't prepare for their seasons as well as they should. This gives the kids more time during the season to concentrate on the skill aspect of the chosen sport as well. Fitness will pay off in that respect until you are too old to play organized recreational sports.
     As time progresses, and most people realize that they will never become professional athletes, they will find other benefits to having good physical fitness. It is a fact that exercising daily and eating right can decease your chances of a heart attack by up to 50% If you are interested in quality of life, you need to become physically fit.
     There are also mental benefits that come with being physically fit. Within this category also come social benefits. Society teaches its children to respect people who respect themselves. People who work out regularly get a certain level of respect for just that. The kid who makes his team because of hard work gets respect, and in turn develops higher self-esteem. Who couldn't use a little self-esteem? In addition to this, working out gives a natural high. This high produces a corresponding low that in turn helps you to sleep better. Any rational individual should seek respect, and better sleep never hurt anyone.
     If this were not already enough, there are also financial benefits that one will encounter. Good health can save a family time and money, because they won't need to spend hours waiting in doctors' offices, and surely won't have to pay those unwanted bills. In fact, the US government is looking into a plan (we'll call it the fat tax) that will award a set tax decrease for those of us who are considered physically fit. Of course the problem here is determining what is "physically fit" on an individual basis. This would be a potential financial benefit. If enacted, though, it could have a tremendous impact on the economy. This would mean fewer sick days and as a result an increase in productivity, a benefit for America. Most companies have the hint, and are offering their employees free or reduced rate memberships to health clubs. Corporations like MBNA America have even installed their own company gyms. Soon the financial benefits will be realized by corporate America on a much larger scale and fitness will become a requirement.
     Health is an important part of life in the 90's and will be in years to come. The benefits far outweigh the costs involved. The lifetime commitment is something that is respected, and shouldn't be neglected. With this in mind, take the advice of Nike and "Just do it!"

Tyler G.