Showing Versus Telling

Practice Changing Telling To Showing

Directions: First, read the following essay carefully. In some parts of the essay the author shows readers what she saw in a dorm late on a Saturday night. In other places, she merely tells.

To decide where the author needs to do more showing and less telling, first determine the main point she is trying to make.

Next, mark the passages where the author successfully communicates her thoughts and feelings about the problems with campus drinking by dramatizing them for her audience. Place an asterisk at the beginning and end of these passages. Write some comments to the author. What details are especially effective in these "showing" passages? What might she have left out? What else might she have included?

After you have marked the places where the author showed the events, then go through the essay again and place dollar signs ($) where she is merely telling or reporting. After each dollar sign, suggest ways she might have shown or dramatized the situation to make her point about the dangers of excessive college-age drinking more vivid.

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THE ST. PATRICK'S DAY MASSACRE

The St. Patrick's Day Massacre took place in a residence hall on East Campus. Friends had gathered in one of the rooms laughing, talking, listening to music, and just generally having a good time. Three of the males went to the bathroom where they were talking about several of the girls that two of them liked. A non-resident male who stood about 6'4" and smelled as if he had been taking a bath in beer walked into the bathroom and overheard the three boys talking. He said,"Oh, you guys think you're ___ ____ talking about all those girls!" The three did not know how to react since none of them had ever seen the boy before, so one of them tried to make small talk with him. The boys then proceeded to exit the bathroom, but the other boy would not let them. He held the door shut and pushed them out of the way if they tried to get by. A group of residents in the hallway heard arguing in the bathroom and went in, and the three boys left.

     One of the males, who lived on the floor, proceeded to go back to his room when the male who had stated to whole business followed him in and locked the door behind him and said, "It's just you and me now!"

     I had been sitting in the corner of the room on the bed when I heard this. Neither one of the boys knew anyone was in the room. I jumped up and said, "Oh, is it?"

     The boy then got very angry and said he was going to hit me. I challenged him which shocked him (and me), but he was so surprised that he moved out of the way of the door. I unlocked it and got help. At the time there were about fifteen people out in hall listening.

     I called the Resident Assistant (RA) and told him the problem. He came up to the room and the trouble-maker ended up leaving.

     He wasn't gone for long though. About ten minutes later he came back up the hallway with a group of his friends. A small fight broke out in the hallway, and I called the Campus Police.

     By the time the police got there, the boy and his friends had left. We were then questioned by the police and asked if we wanted to press charges. We decided to do so, but the case has not gone through yet. We have already gone to Judicial, which is a sort of dorm court that takes place in the Dean of Students' office, and we have to go to court again before the end of the semester.

     Crimes on campus do happen, and, as you can see, they can happen to anyone. Alcohol only makes the situation worse. if you are the one having a party, make sure that you and your guest are responsible enough to be consuming liquor. Have someone be a designated driver. I can't even tell you how many times on Friday and Saturday nights I have had to pick up and drop off people who live in the dorms across campus. You don't know how many times someone has said to me, "I drive better after a few beers." Yeah, right. Just like I would drive better blindfolded with my hands tied behind my back. No matter how many times people call me a pain or say I act like a mother, I will not let them drive drunk. If someone gets so drunk that they can hardly even stand up and you are left to take care of them, keep calm because this will help keep them calm. Keep them awake, encourage vomiting. If they are unconscious, lay them their stomach so in case they do throw up, they won't choke like they would if they were on their back. Do not give them coffee or cold showers, but DO monitor their breathing. This is very important; if the person is taking less than twelve breaths per minute, be prepared to give artificial respiration. If you think someone is an alcoholic, there are some signs to look for such as frequent drinking to "get drunk," denial, drinking alone, chronic hangovers followed by drinking to relieve the hangovers, and sneaking drinks a lot.

     Most universities prohibit the use, possession, manufacture, distribution, or sale of alcohol on campus. If students do not follow these rules, the university will have to take immediate disciplinary action which can include probation, expulsion and may include mandatory drug and alcohol evaluations.

     People found guilty of violating any state, local, or federal laws concerning alcohol can also face penalties such as fines and even prison. On some campuses, the number of violations has gone down in the last few years. This does not necessarily mean that fewer people are drinking; they may just not be getting caught. Many schools have programs for students with problems with alcohol. If you need help for yourself or a friend, get it! Don't let alcohol abuse ruin your college experience, and maybe your life!